I Don't Have A Title For This Except I Guess This Is Now The Title
Is the title of this blog post a Panic! at the Disco song? No? Ha ha I'm not funny.
Anyways! I've been in a weird state of mind recently and I haven't done a blog post in pretty much a whole ass year, so here I am. I've been writing a lot, and all of it has a lot of substance, but I always want more. I want to do more, I want to be more. Everything could always be a little bit better. I don't necessarily think that's a bad thing, but where do I draw the line?
The two halves of me are constantly battling each other. One half says "Hey, it's okay to take time off from doing shows and making appearances and constantly thinking about what the next move is. Just breathe, get some rest" and the other half is like "Uh, you can rest when you're dead; Don't breathe ever. Keep yourself busy, that's what you need in order to function properly. Push yourself until you feel like you can't push yourself anymore... and then push yourself even more after that. Grind that shit out because in the end it will be worth it."
Don't get me wrong; I think it's worth it right now. I do this because I genuinely have a passion and love for it. I beat myself up for not being further, but I seem to easily forget that at one point I never thought I would even be where I'm at right now. It's still surreal and I don't think it will ever stop being that way. If you would have asked me two years ago if I would ever have an album, I would've laughed in your face probably. And now I have 5. Oversaturation is very real, but I honestly couldn't care less. I'll make 500 songs and it doesn't matter whether you like that or not, because it's MY outlet and it's MY channel for emotions. If you don't like it, then don't follow it. Simple as that!
At the end of the day, it's not about me though. I've struggled a lot in my life, and music has always been there to make it all feel okay. If just one person can relate and feel a little less alone... my job here is complete. Truthfully, I've been feeling very apathetic about continuing this all recently. It would be easier if I didn't, but I've decided that "easy" has never been and never will be the route for me. I'm not stopping 'til I'm six feet under.
I've made so many genuine connections at my shows recently, and they've truly made me fall in love with music all over again. Thank you to anyone who's ever believed in me and everyone who continues to do so. It does NOT go unnoticed, I promise you.
All my love,